on 4/4/2008
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On a good day, when my heart is filled with love, and my head is clear...
I think that, if a child gave me a scribbled drawing, saying "I made this for you", it would be a beautiful picture.
I think that if a child tried to clean up a mess, even it was a bigger mess afterwards, it'd touch my heart deeply.
I think that if a child sang me an off-key, nonsense song, it'd bring a huge smile to my face, and I'd say that the child sang beautifully.
I was reading a blog entry earlier, and a thought came to me.
If you love yourself, as dearly as you might love a child who earnestly and happily tries to be nice to you, you should accept your limitations and faults, as easily as you'd accept the limitations and faults of that child.
And, as angry as you'd be at a nasty critic who'd hurt the feelings of children who are doing their best, I think you should be that angry at the internal critics who'd do the same thing to... read more
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self-critic
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on 4/2/2008
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I find myself writing little of actual content lately. My mind stretching before me like a huge blank canvas. I used to write. I used to write words worth reading. Some funny, some sad, I'd sprinkle them about liberally. A glittering array of sparkly gems. They were shiny, my words, and I had a pocket full of them.
My hands slip idly into my pockets but find them empty. I shake my head, confused. Now where could I have left them?
Did you ever notice how we have words in our head? Words that are afraid of the light? Mean spirited little words we use against ourselves that hide in the corners of our mind where no one can refute them. They skitter away like shadows when the light approaches. "You're fat." "You're ugly." "He doesn't love you." They prey on you when you're at your weakest. Be forewarned and don't you let them.
Or perhaps that's just me?
As I grow older I've come to recognize these words. When I'm feeling brave I pluck ... read more
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words
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on 3/31/2008
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Apparently this phrase is being bandied about in new books on relationships and in the blogs of several people I know.
Perhaps I'm misunderstanding but if they mean body language, I call bullshit.
I spent 38 years of my life desperately ill. My family knew I had medical issues. My spouse knew I had medical issues; yet none save my mother understood the extent of my illness. Why? I was a first class actress. That turned out to be rather detrimental. You see, I was so ill that every morning I woke up and thought, "today will probably be the day I drop dead in the hallway". I tried explaining to my spouse that we needed a plan so that I could quit working and although he agreed, he had no sense of urgency. So far as he could tell, I was doing ok.That was entirely my fault. I didn't know when to turn off the act. And yet, I had quit driving 3 years prior because I could no longer trust myself to operate a car. There were clues if one looked for them.
... read more
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body
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on 3/30/2008
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My heart, the center of my being, the very essence of that which is me, is like a secret garden in the center of a great forest. The forest beats like a drum fed on the love therein. The roots of my heart run deep, extending to the edges of the forest. At times my forest is brimming with life, a place I make warm and inviting. At times my forest is dark and brooding, tangled with deep emotion.
There are days when one of you walks into my garden; trailing in your wake a burst of sunlight to light my paths and warm my roots. Blue sky shines through and rays of sunshine permeate the forest.
There is something you should know about me. Should you wish to be part of my life, you must enter willingly into my forest. Standing outside, proclaiming your desire to enter, but taking no steps toward the path, does not bring you closer; in fact it simply magnifies the distance.
In the epicenter of my forest lies my heart. It's where I love, laugh, care and com... read more
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introspection, forest, heart
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