on 7/15/2010
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Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline
irrational..
A: So what's your question?
Q:My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but
pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q:Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in
labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbir... read more
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on 7/15/2010
| filed in: News
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Here is another reason that teachers drink!!!!!!
GED Test
ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS?
The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
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on 6/30/2010
| filed in: News
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Men Are Just Happier People-- Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding
plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You
can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white
T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car
mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have
to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too
icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress
$5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're
talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about
tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open
all your own jars. You get extra cred... read more
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on 3/13/2010
| filed in: News
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DAREDEVIL Teachings !!!!
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you fart.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and ... read more
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on 1/26/2010
| filed in: News
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Don't sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Money can't buy love. But it can rent a very close imitation.
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse -- it'll be a great trade!
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
If at first you don't succeed, th... read more
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